Some of My Story
This is a story about me, about my loss early in life and how I chose a different path.
Death ultimately brings some emotions to the forefront as everyone grieves for the loss when it’s new.
But the thing about Death is that there is no solution. You cannot fix it. We have to deal with it; live with it – everyday.
It is hard to move on when a close friend or relative dies. Trying to sort out your grief alone when nobody knows what you are going through is isolating. It is hard to reach out, because you don’t want to be a bother, you don’t want to talk about the same things over and over again … and at some point you want to stop crying everytime someone mentions their name.
A young age
Death has been part of my life from a very young age.
We always had lots of pets, at one time we had 24 cats, 3 dogs, 6 horses, 24 chooks and 3 sheep.
They were all pets bar the chooks, although one of them was a pet and her name was Veronica. She used to lay an egg on my Dad’s recliner chair every day. Smart thing!
But they taught me from a very young age that nothing is permanent, we all have a life expectancy…
One of the greatest losses in life was my sister’s daughter Jessie. She was 5 months old and died of cot death.
Back then there weren’t a lot of support services for grief, not like there are now. You just had to get on with it. Talk it through – once – and move on.
One of the reasons we did this, I believe, was that we didn’t have the option. We couldn’t go online and Google grief and have a billion or so responses pop up … instantaneously
So we moved on, albeit angry and bitter.
Losing a parent
My mum died unexpectedly when I was 19. She was 47 and died of cancer. Never smoked, didn’t drink much and was generally a good person.
I didn’t get any counselling until about 1 year after she died and it didn’t last very long either; not sure whether it was me or the counsellor. On reflection I now know it was me.
What I did do for a lot of years, was self medicate. Lots of alcohol generally followed by lots of tears when I had had a few too many and there were lots of occasions where a few too many were had.
Some days it is still hard. My kids will never know my mum. My husband will never meet my mum and I will never get to touch her or ask questions … “Mum, can you have the kids?”
And the point Linda…
Now you might wonder why I am writing this today, but I wanted to talk a little bit about Depression.
As a 20 year sufferer who was only diagnosed 10 years ago after having post natal depression, my life could have been made easier if I had had the resources available today to help me through.
Well, I can at least think that anyway.
Truth be known, you have to be ready to face the realities of life before you can move forward.
There is a saying that reads, “When the student is ready the teacher appears”.
Now, I try to live to a different tune. I still have lots of down days but making them not turn into down weeks is the real key.
I actually make room in my head to have negative moments. I am sure some of you will be reading this and thinking “Wow, Linda has dark days?”.
Yep, I sure do people. Sometimes there are people around you that have lots of dark days. Sometimes you probably don’t even know it.
You and your mind
I have conversations with lots of different people. We are really different in how we think, how we interpret and how we judge.
I am not talking about judging other people, but judging ourselves. We are our own worst enemy and our own best friend.
What are you telling yourself on a daily basis? What does your newspaper read? Do you see the glass half full or half empty?
Do you constantly ask yourself what you don’t have instead of being grateful for what you do have?
Ask yourself this “Am I part of the solution?”. If your answer is no then you are part of the problem.
Grab that 5 minutes everyday and be still. Turn off the phone, the telly, the radio, the car and just sit.
Don’t interpret your thoughts, just let them be. Don’t label them and they won’t have any meaning. Don’t solve your problems, because there will always be new ones that arise.
I dare you. See how hard it is, how much we have become accustomed to being busy but mostly not achieving anything but being busier.
I have been pretty honest and upfront with you guys and you all should know I am an open book.
I am here to support and encourage you and sometimes if I kick your arse a little too hard then don’t put it up so high.
See you soon